mano po 6, 1d

12/28/09 at 9:36 PM
My baby cousin who is not so baby anymore was to celebrate her birthday after christmas… and she was asking me for a gift… I told her, I did take her to see “Avatar” already… she argued that was Christmas gift, it’s her birthday… “Mano Po 6” was up, and it is easier for me to find someone to take me to bed than to see a movie… and so we went…

I have openly, and with much embarrassment and defensively, admitted that I am a Sharon Cuneta fan... rooted from all those Sharon movies in the eighties with which my mom would take me, regardless of standing room only or the power shortage—I remember it was “Kahit Kounting Pagtingin”, the cinema was so packed, then the power went out and we have to wait for about an hour or so, in the dark, almost suffocating…

Yes, name a Sharon Cuneta film and I bet, I’d seen it…

Mano Po 6: A Mother's Love, chronicles the life of a half Chinese, half Filipino woman, who was thought of as jinx by the pure and wealthy Chinese family her husband belongs to… disowning her and in the process taking her 3 younger children away from her… she tried to fight back, but in this film, wealth is everything and it does not apologize for it… true enough, Melinda, Sharon’s character, realize this and so, as it is implied on the film, though we actually don’t see it, worked hard until she becomes as wealthy and therefore as powerful as her in-laws… but despite this, she still was alien to her children mainly because they grew up not knowing her and brain washed that she was a bad woman…

Funny note, as we were in the cab on our way to SM Marikina… me and my cousin were joking that we would see Mano Po 6 in 3D, this is because we saw “Avatar” only in 2D and everybody is saying we should see it in 3D… I planned to, but because of the Manila Film Fest, all the cinema in the Metro only shows film from the festival… as it turns out, yes… we need to see Mano Po 6 in 3D or at least 2D… the film was 1 dimensional… I thought, the film was like a cardboard cutout, interestingly…

ZsaZsa Padilla, playing the sister-in-law, was great in acting as the feisty Chinese woman, but she was just that… a feisty Chinese woman all throughout… Sharon as Melinda Uy, was busy… and that was it… she was busy… Heart Evangelista as the prodigal daughter is cold… and that she remained cold… Ciara Sotto was a wall flower, and that she was a wall flower indeed… there was no character development… they stayed as they were from the beginning of the film to the end… all that changed was what they were wearing…

I say, Mano Po 6 is the local equivalent of “Sex and the City” or “The Devil Wears Prada”… everything were flashy, from designer’s suits and dresses… accessories and jewelry… cellphones to computer… cars and houses… and there were the bags… If I am not mistaken, Sharon carried 3 Berkin bags in the film… as I said the film does not apologized for affluence and luxury…

The film ends with Sharon finally able to win her children’s love… and they were in China where she opened an orphanage in honor of her mother... for I think we don’t have enough Chinese speaking street children in the Philippines…


vacation cut short

12/27/09 at 2:50 AM
There are too many lonely hearts in the city… so I thought I am to spread love Christmas day… night… I was to go out and color the night sky red… scarlet red… flaming red… then, a text message came in… it’s my boss, asking if I did manage to get out of the country as I have a shift the following morning, 7 am…

I’m sorry… I thought I am out until January…?

So, if I did manage to push through to Dubai, you expect me to fly back, that instant…? Say, I was in the province… or have taken refuge in Boracay… or have decided to be adventurous and headed to Puerto Galera…? You expect me to teleport in the office at 7 am the next morning…?

Okay… so I stayed home… and bored to death… point taken…

I wanted to go back to work… my life have become so mundane… I actually miss work…

That was 7 in the evening…

10 pm, another text message came in, it’s my TL again saying, she got the information wrong, I am set to go back on the 27th instead, Sunday… of course, I was pissed, I scrap the plan to go out because I thought I have to be at work early… but then, no time to get piss, got to party…

I did… and party it was! Considering I don’t drink, I don’t dance...




pretense

12/25/09 at 2:22 PM
I am all for, you work hard… you deserve to buy yourself something nice… you absolutely deserve to buy anything… or in this matter, anyone you like…

Ajha found out who when he read my blog… he remembered the guy who was wearing a hooded black vest at the Christmas party… It was stupid of me, I knew I was not the only one paying attention on him… Ajha, after all, is, too, gay… I should have not described what he was wearing that night… I asked Mayumi if she remembers what Angel was wearing that night… a hooded vest, she answered… and so if she too read my blog, she would know… And so I decided to come clean…

I knew there was something the first time I saw him… and that it broke my heart when the Sang’gres forbade it… and that I have to divert my attention to another… Y… but it has always been him… and that I have to be defensive about it… defensive in the sense that it must not show… must not budge… must not give in… it came out almost as if I hate him…

“Just because of them?!”

No… they were just convenient alibi…

Evrybody is all over Angel… everybody thinks he is so cute… so nice… he is all that… and what am I…? no, this is not having low self esteem… this is just knowing where I stand… and I know he is way out of my league… if not that, we run in different circles… or better yet, we have our own preferences and it just happen that I am not in the league of his preference… This is not about having low self esteem… I have lots of psychological shit going on, but I don’t think having low self esteem is one of them…

I know there are a lot of guys who wants me… at least, wants to get me to bed… and Angel is just not one of them…

“Then make him like you…”

Good suggestion, but how… under the pretense of friendship…? You see I find that dubious… you act all nice for him, pretending to be a good friend and that is all you want from him: friendship… when really you want him all for yourself… I find that just wrong…

I know, I really have so much psychological shit going on…

But really… putting you best foot forward…? Showing him only the positive side of you, tempting, teasing… and when you manage to lure him to your web, you show your fangs… which if he does not like, he would be breaking your heart to no fault of him…

“But he does the same, he too won’t show his fangs… he too would try to prove he is worthy of your affection…

All is fair in love and war…”

All is fair in love and war… hmmmm…?

cubao x

12/24/09 at 12:46 AM
Ultimately funny, it was embarrassing… after dinner at the Congo Grill in Araneta, we were to go back to Gateway, as Espineli was to meet someone, a business contact… on the way there, I thought I would want a picture on the giant Christmas tree, which Tweety was so into... Tweety is all about having her pictures taken anywhere… I would be camera shy compared to her… so the three of us went… and we took turns on who would take the picture but then we want to have a picture of the three of us with the Christmas tree as the backdrop… but then, how… we don’t have a tripod… what we have are cars… we were at the parking lot, ingenious Tweety thought of placing the camera on top of one of the cars and set it on timer… I must say, it was a good idea… and would have probably worked… if the owner of the car, with his perfect timing, didn't come…

It was so funny and embarrassing… the guy was just there, standing, watching us… I thought he was just a considerate passerby, not wanting to be caught on the shot… until I noticed he have a car key on his hand… and Espineli gasped, realizing that that guy was the owner of the car in which Tweety was concentrating on setting the camera on, so concentrated she was, she had not realize what was going on… until the guy spoke to say it is okay…

In the end, Tweety asked the guy to take our pictures instead, which he was nice enough to do… so nice, “you should have asked for his name and give your number,” Espineli told Tweety… and I must agree, the guy was cute too…

Tweety and I went to Starbucks as Espineli went to talk business with his client at Gateway… Tweety was hoping on Matt, our barista friend, for the three stickers she lacks for the planner, but I already have mine and so she must have one, too, already, she bought us coffee and claimed her planner…

No pen…? It’s bulky too… but it is tradition, I guess…

We drank our coffee as we walk to Cubao X… I have never been to and Espineli thought I should see it, “it’s inspiring…” she pronounced… I hoped…

Cubao X or Coubao Expo is located at General Romulo Ave. Araneta Center, Cubao… it is in the far east side of Araneta Center and unless you have your own ride, I recommend not to bring any expensive gadgetry… it was pass 9 already so most of the shops were close, but to what I understand, it have been a new artist village… or a hippie place… therefore cool… or should be…

As I mentioned above, we came in late and there were just about 5 shops open… and Espineli have this thing about retro stuff… I don’t like ukay-ukay… I have nothing against it, I’m sure there are great finds and it is fun… but not for me… I’m sorry… it is the same reason why I don’t go to department store… or big super markets like Shopwise, I can’t stand it, I tend to feel overwhelm… plus there is the smell, which I am sure you can get rid off by washing… And this ukay cost alot, we are talking thousands of pesos for a second hand accessory or article of clothing… if I have a 1500 pesos for a pair of shoes or shades, hey, Ali Mall is just there…

“You can’t find those things anywhere anymore,” Kuya argued. Sure… point taken…

Then, Espineli bought us to Heima (I think pronounced as Hey Ma, it’s Icelandic for home)… A quaint lifestyle and home design shop… still a little pricey but nice… as per their website: http://www.heimastore.com:

“Heima, which means ”at home ” in Icelandic is a lifestyle and home design store which feature items created by Heim Kreativ Designs as well as other lifestyle products. Formed by partners Bong Rojales and Rossy Anne Yabut, Heima is located at the quaint little area in Quezon City known as Cubao Expo (or Cubao X as it is more popularly known) a haven for artist and art lovers alike.

Rossy Anne Yabut, an upcoming Interior Design who leads the design team for Heim Kreativ Designs and Heima, which showcases their furniture designs and restored or “upcycled” pieces. Rossy believes in sustainability and is blessed with the eye and vision in being able to creatively transform old furniture into beautiful pieces. Rossy loves trendy colors & patterns fusing it with classical and proven design concepts. Rossy graduated with a degree in Interior Design at the University of Sto. Tomas and placed Top 8 in the 2007 Board Exams. She has worked for several prestigious Interior Design firms the past several years before establishing her own practice.

Bong Rojales acts as the marketing head. An experienced marketing and sales professional with several global companies, Bong seeks to create a pleasing retail experience while continuously being able to offer interesting items in the store that fits today’s lifestyle and trends. Bong believes in fusing lifestyle and home designs, and seeks to make Heima world class but still having that “indie” feel. Bong is also known as a leader in a community of photographers know as Lomomanila and also spearheads an innovative group called Kolektib. The Kolektib Shared Space which resides on the 2nd floor is a venue for innovative classes and workshops.

Well travelled and an eye for beautiful things, the tandem developed the innovative retail approach for Heima seeking to please the five senses. Small, quaint and interesting shops in Europe and the United States have a major influence along with design blogs and books. Rossy and Bong have created a warm, cozy and homey ambiance in the store. Working together in the selection of music, scents and visual components, the two feels “at home” working in Heima.

Collaborative designs on artworks and furniture pieces will be a major highlight. Collaboration with upcoming designers across mediums are being pursued as we speak. These are of course geared towards Interior Design. Being situated in Cubao X is a major advantage as it is an art community. From musicians to graphic artists and painters, to fashion designers and film makers, Cubao X is a unique part of the Philippines and offers a breeding ground for innovative design ideas."

Visit the store and their website… surely you can find something for you and your home… and while at it, may you please get me those 3 pack notebook, it’s for 300 pesos…


christmas party

12/23/09 at 3:54 PM






I came late… reason being that the people who I was to go with didn’t message me… and apparently decided not to go… I was resolved to not going anymore, until for one last try, I messaged Ajha, as I was having dinner at home… anyway, I have a gift for him… he was at the party… to make a long story short, 45 minutes later, I was at SM Hypermart in Tiendesitas, the party is at the back… Decagon Silver City?

First thing first… I think I am inlove… with whom… the first person, other than Ajha, that I saw in the party… I was to sign up and he was there, manning the registration table with some other guys... he was wearing an all black ensemble, just a black hooded vest for his top… I pretended he does not exist… I didn’t even look up, just went to the list of names to look for mine and sign up… and that was the end of it… I was picturing a night when suddenly there’s that song by Beyonce—“sweet dream”—and suddenly, I will turn and there he would be… he would say hi… and I would be powerless on his charm but he would be nice and would want a moment with me that both us would want to last forever…

Who am I kidding…?

Of course, everybody is all over him… the party is a drag… the only highlight was Ajha winning an Ipod touch… otherwise, I rather stay at the terrace where I could smoke… no dancing, alcohol is for sale—I don’t drink so I don’t care—but ice tea is like from our office pantry…

Why do I do that…? Me, trying to act as if he does not exist… as if he does not matter… hiding…? I’m gay, I should be all over him… he meant the world to me… why don’t I just show it…? What am I so afraid off…? Losing him…? I don’t have him…?

Anyway, I was at the terrace hanging out with some people I know when I saw a black car pull over, and he hopped in… and as quickly, it zoomed away… merry Christmas to me, merry Christmas to you… merry Christmas everybody…


irritating me

12/22/09 at 2:53 AM
We can get to Hong Kong… but Hong Kong to Dubai… that’s the problem… and what I thought would be a good news, it made my mom upset… leading to a litany of how I want everything on an instant… telling me how if I wanted something, I want it right there and then… without consideration… and that I am irritating…

Apparently, they abandoned the plan… mainly because of my uncertainty… my inability to confirm... which of no fault of mine… I was not able to confirm earlier because I was not sure if my boss will allow me to go on leave specially that everyone wants to go on leave and that it is a long leave… so I was not able to give them assurance…

My mom said, still irritated of me, they will try to book us, me and my niece, a flight as soon as possible… but, setting my expectation, it’s unlikely they would able to… apparently, Dubai is a hub, an international hub, going to Europe… and it is the holiday season… and that we need to seat together…

So, I am crossing my fingers…

little heart's wish

12/19/09 at 2:44 PM








She would say, she is to pack her bags already and head for Dubai… where her mom and dad is… she wants to be with them… she says this when they talk to her via YM and over the phone… she wanted to go to Dubai… she is two and half…

So my mom thought, she should… but how? I am taking her…

It could be said that everything that I am now, is because of the riches Dubai offers… they managed to send me to a private school mainly because of my aunts, uncle, cousins and my mom working in Dubai… Dubai actually what saved my brother… he didn’t even finished high school and would have no future if my mom didn’t managed to pull some strings and take him to Dubai… I was also supposed to go to Dubai… but then, I am okay here… so far, I am okay…

And that I feel for my niece… I, too, with my brother, grew up without mom… I do understand why she had to leave… but then, it sure would have been nice if we had her physically on our side growing up… and my niece is just but two, her mom, my sister-in-law, have to go back to Dubai only days after giving birth to her, so literally she does not know them aside from people who talks to her form a box…
I have to take her… I was determined… I know it won’t be easy and chances are low—everybody wants to go in vacation during the holidays… but I have to at least try… and so try I did, really hard… following up on my leave application insistently… but to no avail… a maybe as an answer is not good enough if you are to spend about thousands of dollars and a little heart… I am not to gamble that…

My mom kept calling me asking for just my status… and then as of late, complaining how it is getting harder to find available flights… apparently everybody is travelling… and they are afraid they will not be able to book us, at least in one flight, seated together… The airlines won’t allow it… her travelling alone and that include seated separate from a guardian a.k.a. me… my mom was already willing to pay premium… but my leave application is still unclear… until Thursday…

I was supposed to be on off… but I was required to attend a 6th day over time training… I didn’t want to go… it was my off, and you can’t require anyone to go on over time… but my supervisor insisted or else, I guess I get a royal scolding… which I can’t afford as I need my leave… so I went… but then when I checked my schedule for the following weeks… hoping finally it will show I would be on leave thus approved… it showed, apparently, it was my last day… but it was not paid leaves that reflected but suspension… I do remember I have 8 days of suspension waiting to be served… there were 10 actually from my call avoidance case which almost cost me my job… and me getting transferred to the software department…
F*ck…!

But okay, at least, I would be on vacation… I may have no money when I get back… but still it will allow me to take my niece to Dubai and make everyone and her little heart happy… I called my mom as soon as I got home—I don’t bring any of my phones with me to work—to tell her the good news…

Alezandro Mark by Alezandro Mark

12/17/09 at 2:59 PM








I made a decision… I am to follow my passion and be who I think I should be… thus, Alezandro Mark by Alezandro Mark… and to start it, I have signed up for a new email account at gmail: alezandromark@gmail.com, and, with the new email address, created a new facebook account… I don’t know why I have to create a new facebook account, but I did—well, I could just go on with my more than a year facebook account, just delete people who I just accepted and not really know on my friends list… but then, I created a new account…

Stefanie suggested I create a blog too… I thought not another one and so, I renamed this blog, from LexanBOrantes to http://AlezandroMarkbyAlezandroMark.blogspot.com, I know quite long for a url… but this are not the main thing… the main thing is get myself some dress making lessons… that is what I need to do… for even with a clear vision on my design concept and image, bottom line is, if I don’t produce any of it, it is nothing…

So, first thing first… the real first step, is get myself to a dress making class… no, not fashion design course… dress making course, that is what I need… I need to learn the technicality, how it is done… design or aesthetic will follow… plus, I don’t believe they can teach anyone that, it is either you have style or not… feel free to argue otherwise, but I still believe I should learn the technicalities first before anything… start with the basic… besides, I don’t think I can afford it…

I was looking over the internet about vocational course on dress making, where I am to enroll myself… the government do offer it for free but to what I understand the time is not flexible and I can’t quit my day… errr… night job... Stefanie again suggested doing apprenticeship with a designer… she called it preceptorials—I don’t know if it is a real word, doubting my vocabulary here… but then, ms office 2007 doesn’t seemed to recognize it so I’m good… but neither of us know any designer, and anyway… I have the impression of all them being a bigger bitch than I am… anyway, I got Espineli… not a designer… but have a good business sense with all of this…

Alezandro Mark by Alezandro Mark… by the way my real name, as in on my birth certificate… just that even my grandmother don’t know that is my real name... I am simply known as Lexan… or not known at all… would be a fashion house comes June 2010, in time for my birthday… at least, that is my time line… you can follow my development through the new facebook account… see above for details…

Wish me luck…

i will... i am... forever will...

12/12/09 at 11:40 AM
Former TL Spitfyr… my last TL from the hardware department, and who is sole responsible for turning me to an over stressed stats gaga, is being transferred to another department… Her, alone, the team would be merged with another team at the hardware department… this came abruptly and so it called an impromptu general assembly of the team and team alumni… good thing I was on rest day… so what rest day?!

Dinner at Dencio’s Eastwood City, Libis
javi, ken, elmer, olive, eds, nathan r., nathan a., doc, acaba, jen, jam, abe, ian, ryan, gracie, chris, and me...



Bowling at Paeng’s…

me, nathan a, doc, nathan r, elmer, jam, jen, and imee



And videoke at Quntom…

nathan a, nathan r, doc, me, elmer, jam, and jen




We didn’t drink… I don’t drink, so fine by me… we're wholesome…

Team Spitfyr was simply good company… though, our TL insisted we watch our stats and be always on our toes… it was a good thing… and that for some reason, despite this, the mood inside the team was very relax… fun… and very friendly… she was, with all due respect with my numerous previous TL’s, was the best TL I had… and certainly, she would always be my TL…

I will… I am… will forever miss you guys… (nope, I am not tearing down…)









http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=122381&id=707031651

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=139138&id=707031651

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2035139&id=1573300856















pink shoes

12/11/09 at 4:48 PM
http://xanfactor.multiply.com/photos/album/62/pink_shoes...



back writing 14 (7.30 pm breakfast)

12/10/09 at 10:36 PM
A text message:
“Do you have any plans this week end?”

I will be working, I thought and close my phone… it’s 10 minutes to 7 in the evening, I noted, I was standing in front of The Sandwich Guy in Eastwood, with a smoke and my new Girbaud bag and a black ensemble—black shirt, black pants—white belt and ultimately: pink chuck taylor… my shift starts at 7:30…

This is breakfast… Saturday: HBLT from sandwich guy and coffee. Sunday: Bagel with cream cheese and coffee from Country Style. Monday: 3 classic krispy cream glazed doughnut and coffee. Tuesday: KFC twister and nestle fresh milk. Wednesday: Roastbeef sandwich from The Sandwhich Guy and nestle fresh milk. I spend too much on breakfast, considering I have lunch through the concessioner at the pantry, 50 pesos… I eat on my desk, as I set up my system for the night manila time, the day US time… no calls yet in the first 2 hours… the sun is just starting to shine Eastern… I read scripts from http://www.imsdb.com, this week, I read Erin Brokovich and Sex and the City Movie script…

I have not seen Y for the whole week…

I hardly noticed…

Javi is all over though… he was one of the replacements at my former team at the hardware department, he just got back from leave… ultimately, all he was to me is friend to Gelo and I keep noting my urge to ask about him… No, I didn’t… but someone is asking about me… or so, say Tita Tina… “Did I owe him money?” I joked… then remembered, perhaps it was Allan…

She caught me waiting for the lift, I was on my way home, she said someone from the program where she came from… and the only guy I know from that program is Allan, she said not him, “Not Abanco…” Intriguing... a secret admirer…? All I know is that I don’t owe anyone any money... The next day, I had 11 calls, no sale…

It is the only thing I got going… it is the only thing exciting in my life now… making sale, not even sex… I was on my toes…
He sat next to me the following day, the sales coach… was about the barge in my call… “What, one day I don’t make a sale, I get couching to learn how to?”

“Just here to learn your best practice…”

Smooth talker, it may work to some, perhaps even to my pretty supervisor… but not to me… I don’t like his lips… he is cute, but I can’t get pass his lips… and there is no secret… I am just extremely lucky lately… and that luck struck again, as he was there listening to my call, I made the first of my two sales that day…


coffee-dom

12/6/09 at 6:00 AM

We had coffee from The Sandwhich Guy taken up to us… then Romboa, who was stationed next to me, had someone brought him coffee from Starbucks, his second… I had fresh milk prior, plus I have my propel… but then he guzzled up his tall Starbucks coffee and muttered, “that’s hundred plus coffee… it’s only great when you are drinking it… but when you are done… you think how expensive it is…”

The coffee from Sandwich Guy is 50 pesos…

The funny part is…

“The best coffee I had is from Chowking…”

He agreed… saying it is homemade coffee… yet it’s brewed…

It is also the cheapest among the three…





new bag and the case of missing 1 thousand

12/5/09 at 9:05 AM


.I feel I am too fat... so I cropped it... that is my new bag... 1800 Php... from Girbaud...


The next day, posted on Che’s face book, and her comment on our picture from the night before, she lost 1000 pesos... it was part of the 5000 pesos payment by her client last night when we were at Gateway… Though, I noted in my head that she didn’t count the money when it was handed to her… I know this as I was not to allow it as we were in public, in front of Starbucks… it would be in bad taste… she didn’t count the money… after that short meeting with the client, we went to have dinner at Dencio’s at the coliseum… she try to offer splitting the bill but I took care of it and just told her that to just buy me coffee after… which she did… then we parted ways…

So either she was just handed only 4 thousand pesos, or that she took a thousand out of it and place it somewhere else… maybe when she was offering to split the bill or when she bought coffee… I tried to verify, if she counted the money before she slept as she said on her facebook post that she only found out she was missing a 1 thousand bill only when she woke up the next morning…

I am coming from, if indeed someone took the money, the culprit would have taken the whole 5 thousand and not just one 1 thousand bill… think about it…

Anyhow, it’s gone…






back writing 13 (neophytes)

12/4/09 at 1:08 PM

I thought, it looked like it, that I did good in my first week with the software department… I was making sales left and right… my TL can’t actually believe, “may benta ka nanaman…!” or “ang dami mo benta…!” but then, taking a closer look, I didn’t… even my handle time failed… I was reeking sales, true… I was selling more than most of my team mate, but I was also taking so much calls… thus my close rate is failing… and comes last day of the week, suddenly, my jinx is back… out of 8 calls, no sales, two were almost escalations… almost, I insisted to my customer that my supervisor will not entertain them mainly because they don’t have software warranty despite them spewing the f word by the buckets…

20 pesos, a fine they thought I would not pay, for not making any sale… there goes my Q4 BSC… maybe I should go back to core…



I went home feeling so harassed, stress from the week suddenly filling me in… I know I have to get myself a new bag already… which I did… Woke up five in the afternoon… Gelo was online, I thought I say hi again… I never learn, stubborn fool that I am… what do I even want from him, anyway!?



Y is certainly way cuter with his cap on… and I understand his snobbish demeanor… but… ah… not worth talking about, I guess… anyway, I went to message Kitin, she said yes to dinner… I am buying, “fishball at samalamig lang ha…” she know I won’t even eat Paot’sin—not for anything, I actually think it cost too much and that it will not fill me in… she agreed… but cancelled on me and Che in the last minute… which I really don’t mind, Che is much more interesting than Kitin… Kitin is fun… but Che or Shellerey Espineli is an artist/designer with good business sense… you should check out her facebook profile, she is into crocheting, creating beanie worn by such personalities and celebrities… she also designs sneakers—hand painting them to make them one of a kind… and all stuff crafty… you are going to love talking to her… I asked if she does get clients through facebook, she said just that day, she got two orders which she priced 500 each…

With her, I feel inspired again… I can do that too… and have me started thinking…

She named her beanie enterprise as “I want that hat”, planning to register it… I advise her to register her name instead and do “I want that hat by Espineli” sound Italian… but mainly adding premium to her name… as in truth, it is mostly the name you are buying, only 20%of the total price tag is the cost of production… I know she will make it big, one day… with her talent, wit and charm, I am actually planning on passing her my resume to work for her already…

I am to start designing… the designing part is easy… making the design into reality is the difficulty… production… she will be an asset on that…

We had dinner at Dencio’s as usual… though not sinigang, talong ensalad again, we opted this time for pochero espesyal… ordered manga’t bagong and three rice… it was a sumptuous dinner as usual, I just insisted on after dinner coffee to get myself a sticker for that blasted planner…

I better get myself a sketchbook and pencils… drawing materials…




back writing 12 (ghost of relationships past)

at 1:06 PM
It lasted for more than a year… I was 21 or 22, fresh from the province… he is a little bit older, he was 29-30… we came across each other over at MIRC… decided to meet and there we were… much of the credit goes to him, why the relationship lasted for more than a year… if there is something that I have done that contributed to the longevity of the relationship, it would just probably my naivety then… yes, I was once upon time innocent… but most of it was him… I don’t think it is because he gets me… my mentally, how I work, my quirks… but I think he just was a patient guy…

Or, as I am experiencing right now, he wanted to make the relationship work… probably, he feels he was too old for games already or short, failed relationship after the other is no longer fun… it’s no longer cute… if you turn thirty, at least speaking for myself, you want your next relationship to work and be stable, steady with one person… you get the feeling that, you have to get it right already… and that was me then to him… it was to him, no more games…

I was telling this to Allan, someone who thought I looked damn hot, basing on my pictures and can’t believe we have not met considering we worked in the same company, same building, just different floor… finally, after almost a year, I decided it was time—I forgot my house keys, and have to wait ‘til the sun is up to go home so not to wake people in the wee hours and be growled on…



And then I told him about the TL from the other program, the other site… How it lasted for five months… We barely see each other… barely made time for each other… that is the reason it lasted that long… we were together for five months because we were never really together…

Prior to that, there was the guy from my previous call center, the reason I left... the very cute and vain Mark, who when we finally broke up said to me, “di ko maramdaman na kailangan mo ako (I can’t feel you needing me),” to which I laughed and made him hate me…

The thing with Mark was his vanity… or perhaps, his insecurity… he is very cute, the moment I saw him, I was drooling over him… but I know my place, I know he is way out of my league… everybody is crushing over him and so, I figured, why would he go for me…? So I was not paying much attention to him… little did I know, that was the formula to get his attention… sort of, everybody is throwing themselves to him, why not me…? Vanity, he wanted everyone to like him, want him… and so he went to get me, to which I obliged willingly… this even if I know sharp looks were thrown to me, eyebrows go to orbit when I pass by… when he got me, no longer did he want me, and went flirting with other people in the same floor where I am taking calls…

So I knew back then, I figured out the deal… and learned not to care and just be thankful that I still get to sleep with one of the hottest guy in the office… I decided to take it as a privilege… and not care if he is dating, sleeping with someone else in the office… if he wants to leave, leave, if he wants to stay for a few more, that’s fine… I didn’t want to care… thus his infamous line to me when he finally decide we should part ways and that I laughed on it… which led me to resign…

Then there was Tyler… who I wouldn’t want to get naked in front of… a fitness instructor that he is, he sports a six pack abs, nicely chiseled arms, shoulder and chest… with a milky white skin… he was perfect, like a marble sculpture done by some great artist from renaissance… He took me home in Antipolo, his mom and sister was there, “Ma, si Lex, boyfriend ko,” he introduced me to them… and though that caught me off guard… like, oh my god this is serious and somehow scared me, that was the defining moment for me which led me to decided, Tyler will be the one guy… and that this would be the relationship I have to get it right… specially that we are good in bed… like really, explosive… the sexual chemistry between us can be felt throughout the metropolis… unfortunately, that was all we have: sexual compatibility, elsewhere… we had nothing… and as much as we tried… eventually we decided to give up, we can’t build a relationship with just sex…

There is Nico, whom instead of him, I fell in love to his friend, and that friend liked me, but not enough to get pass all my shit…

Then there was Carlo, whom I was comfortable with… we are good friends… we are not trying to impress each other, no demands, no commitment… we are just really good friends who enjoys each other’s company… and for a while that was all we were… until, I guess we got tired of it and wanted more but too scared we are to ruin what we have… we had something good, really good, going and that we should have just stayed that way… but , I don’t know… the last time we were together, he broke the silence between us by saying, “siguro, okay na rin na ganito lang tayo… (I guess, this is okay just like this)” to which I wanted to contest but shut my mouth instead… Carlo, I guess would be the one in my life that got away…

There were other guys, a lot of other guys… Nick, who after I salivated for months and months and when suddenly we did, turned out to be one of my lousiest session… there’s Jay, who was me 10 years ago… then Earchel, who said I am his greatest love… so I guess, I was really lucky… considering, I am not at all good looking… sure, my last relationship was February—the TL from another program… but I have no cause to be to complain… sure my relationship didn’t last… but I had them… looking at myself in the mirror, I don’t even deserve to have any… and to think, my relationship hiatus is my choice, I am thirty years old, I no longer want to just rush in to a relationship anymore, on who is available and wants me… I want to get it right this time…

Sure, this will be another Christmas that I am single, but I rather that than with someone I am not sure off…